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have i become what hurt me?
understanding your score.
exploring whether, in the process of protecting yourself, you’ve started embodying the very traits that once wounded you.
this self-assessment is for the tender-hearted — the former people-pleasers, the open-hearted lovers — who’ve since learned to armor up.
if you’ve found yourself more emotionally distant, more selective with your love, or more focused on control than connection, this is your moment to pause and reflect.
sometimes the shift is so gradual, we don’t even notice it.
this isn’t about guilt — it’s about clarity.
you didn’t become selfish.
you became tired.
but maybe now, it’s time to find your way back to who you really are.
scoring.
👉 14 - 18 points → you’re healing without hardening.
🌱 you’ve been through enough to understand the difference between self-protection and self-abandonment. you’ve built boundaries, not walls — and you’re learning how to give and receive love without losing yourself in the process. your awareness is your power. keep tending to your tenderness — it’s what makes you magnetic.
all about love by bell hooksa transformative book that redefines love as care, justice, and responsibility — and helps you return to love with clarity, depth, and intention.
book recommendation.
👉 7 - 13 points → you’re in the thick of transformation.
🌱 you’ve been hurt — and your heart remembers. your protection served you once, but now it might be holding you back from what you actually want: intimacy, trust, connection. you’re not broken — you’re just mid-rebuild. give yourself grace as you relearn how to be soft and safe.
the mountain is you by brianna wies
a beautifully honest guide to facing your patterns, breaking cycles, and rising from emotional survival with clarity and strength.
book recommendation.
👉 0 - 6 points → you might be surviving more than living.
🌱 if love feels like a risk, connection feels exhausting, and most of your relationships feel performative or distant — you’re not alone. emotional survival can look like strength, but it often feels like emptiness. this isn’t about blame — it’s about compassion. you’ve been protecting your heart. now it might be time to help it feel safe again.
the gifts of imperfection by bréné brow
a powerful read about embracing who you are, letting go of who you think you’re supposed to be, and living with courage, compassion, and connection.
book recommendation.
tired of surface-level talk?
then its time to join the conversation.
be part of a real community where we discuss the things that actually matter—
love, loneliness, masculinity, friendships, and everything in between.
share your experiences, challenge norms, and connect with others who get it.
no filters. no judgment. just real conversations.
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