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am i too hard on myself (and others)?
understanding your score.
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exploring whether you're leading with grace or holding yourself
(and others) to impossible standards.
this self-assessment is for gay men who struggle with perfectionism, high expectations, or feeling let down when people can’t meet their needs exactly. if you’ve ever felt like you’re never doing enough — or that others are constantly falling short — this is your invitation to check in, soften, and make space for real, human connection.
scoring.
👉 14 - 18 points → you’re practicing grace — keep going gently.
🌱 you’re learning how to release perfectionism and embrace compassion, both for yourself and for others. you understand that being human means being messy sometimes, and you’re creating space for that in your relationships. keep choosing softness over control — it’s working.
Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach
this book is a powerful guide to making peace with imperfection. it invites you to stop the inner war, drop unrealistic expectations, and lead with presence, compassion, and self-trust.
book recommendation.
👉 7 - 13 points → you’re self-aware, but the pressure is real.
🌱 you’re doing the work, but you might still find yourself caught in cycles of self-criticism or expecting too much from others. this isn’t a flaw — it’s a sign that you care deeply. the next step is learning how to hold that care with grace, not control. healing happens when we trade judgment for understanding.
Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff
this book will help you replace the harsh inner voice with a more loving one, and give you practical tools to treat yourself the way you treat those you love.
book recommendation.
👉 0 - 6 points → you’re carrying heavy expectations — it’s time to soften.
🌱 you might be holding yourself and others to impossible standards, hoping it will keep you safe from disappointment, rejection, or shame. but that pressure is exhausting. you deserve the kind of love and connection that doesn’t demand perfection — just presence. it starts by offering that same gentleness to yourself first.
The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown
this book is an invitation to let go of who you think you should be and embrace who you are — flawed, human, and still deeply worthy of love.
book recommendation.
tired of surface-level talk?
then its time to join the conversation.
be part of a real community where we discuss the things that actually matter—
love, loneliness, masculinity, friendships, and everything in between.
share your experiences, challenge norms, and connect with others who get it.
no filters. no judgment. just real conversations.
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