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am i thriving here, or just surviving?
understanding your score.
exploring whether you're being your full self or just shrinking to fit in.
this self-assessment is specifically for gay men who are questioning whether the spaces they’re in truly allow them to show up as they are. if you’ve ever felt like you had to dim your light, downplay your softness, or perform to be accepted — this is for you.
scoring.
👉 12–14 points → you’re thriving — stay close to this kind of community.
🌱 you’re likely in spaces that see you, hold you, and allow your full self to show up. you feel safe to express, grow, and be celebrated—not just tolerated. protect this space and keep choosing connection that feeds your spirit.
All About Love by Bell Hooks
this book will deepen your understanding of how love looks in action, not just words. it’s a reminder that love is care, accountability, and freedom—all things your current community likely reflects.
book recommendation.
👉 7 - 11 points → you’re surviving in a halfway space.
🔍 you’re getting some of your needs met, but not all. some parts of you shine, while others are silenced. you may be staying out of habit, comfort, or fear—but deep down, you know something is missing. your spirit wants more.
Braving the Wilderness by Brené Brown
this book helps you explore the difference between fitting in and truly belonging. it’s a great guide for people stuck between who they are and who they’ve been expected to be.
book recommendation.
👉 0–6 points → you’re shrinking yourself to survive.
🚧 it’s likely that your current environment doesn’t hold space for your full self. you may be praised for what you represent, but not for who you really are. it’s exhausting. you deserve a community that doesn’t make you shrink to fit in—but expands to hold your truth.
Emergent Strategy by Adrienne Maree Brown
this book is a powerful tool for reimagining what community can look and feel like. it offers hope, possibility, and practical tools to help you start finding—or building—the kind of spaces where you thrive, not just exist.
book recommendation.
tired of surface-level talk?
then its time to join the conversation.
be part of a real community where we discuss the things that actually matter—
love, loneliness, masculinity, friendships, and everything in between.
share your experiences, challenge norms, and connect with others who get it.
no filters. no judgment. just real conversations.