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how much are other gay men shaping your self-worth?
understanding your score.
this assessment was designed for gay men and queer individuals who want to better understand how much their self-worth is influenced by the opinions, attention, and approval of other gay men.
it explores the subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways validation, rejection, and social comparison can shape how we see ourselves — especially in a community where desirability often feels like currency. the questions are inspired by powerful self-reflection texts like the four agreements by don miguel ruiz, the gifts of imperfection by brené brown, and the courage to be disliked by ichiro kishimi and fumitake koga. whether you're feeling overlooked, craving deeper connection, or simply trying to untangle your identity from external validation, this tool will help you reflect honestly and begin returning your power back to you.
scoring.
👉 0 -4 points → aligned.
🌱 you seem pretty grounded in your identity. other people’s opinions don’t shape your self-worth — and that’s a powerful place to be.
The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz
this book helps deepen your self-awareness and expand your ability to love without fear or dependence on validation from others
book recommendation.
👉 6 - 10 points → influenced.
🔍 you’re aware of outside influence, but it still sneaks in. the how much are other gay men shaping your self-worth? guided journal will help you center yourself and untangle any lingering need for external validation.
The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown
through practices of self-compassion and authenticity, this book helps you release shame and let go of the need to prove your worth.
book recommendation.
👉 12 - 18 points → approval-seeking.
🚧 you may be carrying more emotional weight than you realize. it’s time to shift inward — away from performance, and toward presence. the how much are other gay men shaping your self-worth? guided journal is here to support that journey.
The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga
this book challenges approval-seeking behaviors and empowers you to reclaim your life by choosing self-respect over people-pleasing.
book recommendation.
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