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am i performing for attention or living in my truth?
understanding your score.
exploring whether your sense of self has become too entangled with being wanted.
this self-assessment is specifically for gay men who’ve learned to measure their value through attention, attraction, or being desired. if you’ve ever felt lost without sexual validation, found yourself performing to stay relevant, or feared who you might be without the gaze of others—this is for you.
scoring.
👉 14 - 18 points → you’re leading with truth — keep going.
🌱 you’re learning to anchor your worth in who you are, not who’s watching. you’re showing up with more honesty, letting go of the need to be constantly validated, and choosing presence over performance. that’s a powerful shift. stay close to this version of yourself — the grounded, free one.
The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown
this book is an invitation to stop performing and start belonging—to yourself first. it will remind you that your worth isn’t something you earn through attention; it’s something you already carry, even in silence.
book recommendation.
👉 7 - 13 points → you’re in the middle of unlearning — stay with it.
🌱 you’ve started to notice the ways attention and approval have shaped your self-image. sometimes you still reach for validation out of habit, and that’s okay—this is about awareness, not shame. you’re in the process of releasing performance and making space for real connection. be patient with your becoming.
Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach
this book gently guides you back to yourself. it’s for anyone who feels like they’re never enough, always performing, or stuck chasing approval. it offers tools to soften, slow down, and embrace the messy, whole, lovable you.
book recommendation.
👉 0 - 6 points → you’ve been surviving through performance — and now, you’re ready for something real.
🌱 it makes sense that you’ve learned to perform — it was how you stayed wanted, noticed, included. but performing to be loved is exhausting. you deserve connection that doesn’t depend on how desirable you appear. this is your starting point: honoring the truth that you’re worthy, even when no one is watching.
All About Love by Bell Hooks
this book offers a deep redefinition of love—one rooted in care, commitment, and truth. it helps you understand what real love feels like and how to stop settling for its performance-based substitutes.
book recommendation.
tired of surface-level talk?
then its time to join the conversation.
be part of a real community where we discuss the things that actually matter—
love, loneliness, masculinity, friendships, and everything in between.
share your experiences, challenge norms, and connect with others who get it.
no filters. no judgment. just real conversations.
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